OK, back to normal today. I think I just needed a couple of days to adjust to my Aunt's decline. I think that what I was upset about can best be seen in the contrast of these two pictures.
I have posted this one before. This is my Aunt just three years ago, at 88.
This is my Aunt this week, at 91.
As marked as this difference is physically, it is even more of a mental decline. The Aunt of the first picture was bright, alert and informed. We would talk for hours about "cabbages and kings." The Aunt of the second picture has lost touch with reality. She lives in a fantasy world and that world is very small. I guess that I should be thankful that she still recognizes me, and that, in her fantasy world, she is very happy and content. But, I've known and loved that first Aunt for my entire life, and, impossible as it is, I want her back.
But, enough about that. I stayed with a friend of my Aunt's. A good friend, who faithfully goes to visit her every week. She finds it very painful, also, but she goes, because she knows that I can't check on her as often as I would like to, and she wants to keep an eye out on what is going on. This is the house I stayed in.
Of course, I love it because it is a home of great serenity, and because it is in the middle of woods!
My Aunt also lives in a beautiful, caring place. She and my Uncle selected it very carefully, years ago. She gets good care there, and is in very beautiful surroundings.
The trips down and back were uneventful. But, as I get older, the nine hours it takes to make the drive gets longer and longer. I was very tired when I got home. Maybe that's why, once I was home, and not on high alert any more, the sadness hit me so hard. I'm usually a very up person, so that type of thing really takes me by surprise.
Damn hard, this whole thing.